5 Things That Piss Me Off (part 1)

1) I hate when I'm in the grocery store & I'm in a hurry & they only got one fuckin checker & the bitch be going mad slow next thing you know her register broke or something. smh. I'm Standing there like "BITCH are you shitting me!? I got somewhere to be in 10mins and yo ass wanna go and break the register." Where the fuck is all the other cashiers? This broad aint got no co-workers? The fuck?!! its a line all the way to the back of the frozen food aisle cause it's one got damn cashier & this incompetent ass bitch wanna fuck up the register. Thats when I walk the fuck out with my groceries like Bitch i'll be back to pay for this shit later my kids hungry as fuck. Shit what she gone do call security? PLEASE! I shop in that store every damn day, she know I'ma pay her later.

2) I hate when I be at the Doc's office or somewhere and It's a kid sitting in front of me who keep turning around to eyeball me. & The mama dont never slap the kid or nothing to say "stop fucking staring at that black bitch" whats worse the kid wanna stick out they tongue or something rude & you gotta clench your fist up tight to keep from punching the kid in his face. Like really though pay attention to what the fuck yo child is doing. There aint no excuse for lil "rachel" to be sitting there making evil faces at me then run her finger across her neck like "you're dead" OH REALLY!? Wait till yo mama not looking you little brat I'ma slap the shit out of you with a Dr. Seuss book. =( STOP FUCKING STARING AT ME!!!

3) I hate how the nigga from the "Everest" commercial think he know exactly what the fuck we doing. "you spend all day on the phone anyway...why not make the call" well first of all nigga how you know what the fuck I be doinh? I dont even got a phone. Here his black ass is all on t.v. tryna be a career advisor & shit & how much you wanna bet his ass aint even go to that damn school. They probablly paid the nigga 50$, an pound of kush & a bottle of "Hen" to do that damn commercial. Tryna look all successful and shit. I know that nigga aint go to no damn college, he one of the dope boys standing on somebody block with a lil 45' underneath his "Everest" T-shirt. I'm just telling you what I know man.

4) I hate how everybody and they mama wanna ask you for a ride just cause you got a car! But let that muthufuka break down & guess what...dont nobody know yo ass anymore. Niggas be asking to kick it with you just cause they know you got a car. Oh yeah they yo best fucking friend. But Soon as that bitch break down...where they at? I'ma start charging 50$ per ride, I dont give a damn if you just tryna go 2 blocks. It's 10$ for gas & 40$ for life insurance. Cause I'm taking a big risk just chaperoning your ass all around town, something could happen to me on the way & I need my dividends. So if you aint tryna pay up...guess you better put ya roller skates on buddy.

5)I hate when a dude tryna talk to you and he say "I'm just tryna be yo friend shawty" Or when you say "I got a man" & he say "well yo man dont allow you to have friends" FRIENDS?!! Nigga shut the fuck up! Do you usually look your friends up and down while licking your lips? you been staring at my ass for the last 5mins & you talking about some friends! Yeah friends with benefits. You aint slick. I mean thats the funny thing about you dudes...tryna be slick...but yo game is so so DEAD. I cant do nothing but laugh. Oh boy dont let you turn his ass down cause now he going off talking bout "how you wasnt even that cute anyway" NIGGA PLEASE. I AM THAT CUTE...thats why you so mad. ol'' thirsty ass. STOP IT.

Man I would go on & on...But I got shit to do...Dont worry it's plenty more where this came from just not today.

I Speak Out About Domestic Violence

4 LOKOS aka Liquid Crack

First of all Ima sue the fuck outta 4Lokos they never told nobody the after effects.of this shit. I wake up from a coma & shit. My eyelids glued shut from my smeared mascara, clothes all wrinkled, I mean I looked like somebody just ran me over with a tractor, then stuck me in a dryer for 35 min on high heat. The thing that pisses me off the most is EVERYTIME I drink this liquid cocaine I say the next morning "Maaaan I'm never drinking 4 Lokos AGAIN. Then for some reason I turn right back around & drink it again. And the sad thing is...its always one can and I'm wasted. Cmon SON really? I cant for the life of me understand how one human being can drink 15 shots of patron & be a little drunk, but one can of 4 Lokos & straight GONE. And the things...oh lordy...the THINGS IT MAKES YOU DO! I'm convinced they are spiking these cans with doses of ecstacy or something. I'm not playin. If you could just know how ignorant I get when I got this mess in my system. I'm ready to fight, fuck, & cuddle all at the same time. SMH. Who does that?!!! I'm not gone lie lastnight I made out with somebodies girlfriend, the night before somebody gave me a hicky, the night before that....WELL...*ahem* we wont talk about THAT NIGHT! I mean come on now its the past no need bringin up old shit right?! HA. All I can say is SLUTVILLE.com smh One big hot mess is what it is. And tell me why I wake up this morning...its two girls laying next to me on a twin mattress...ok it could be a little mini queen size bed but the point is the damn thing seemed extra small waking up with somebodys foot jammed in your ribs & the other girl crushed up against the wall. sheesh. So I notice my foot feels damp...come to find out, the girl next to me done pissed all in the bed!! SMH REALLY!? WTF. how old are you Bitch? Why is there a wet spot the size of china at the bottom of the bed. What kills me the most is the broad woke her pissy ass up & aint even try to take a shower! hmph. I aint gone blame that on the 4 Lokos i'm gone just assume the bitch got a very weak bladder. If thats the case I would totally appreciate a memo or something! Like seriously, let me know you pee in the bed so I can make other sleeping arrangements. I mean, I started to buy the little pissy girl a bag of depends, like "Here next time you get drunk throw one of these on!" smh. The moral to this story? First of all STAY AWAY FROM THAT LIQUID CRACK! It's poison. Toxic. Addictive. Whoever invented the shit should be shot! Even so my dumb ass cant stop drinking it. Especially the cranberry lemonade. BOMB. Second of all make sure you know who you falling asleep next to...YOU COULD BE THE NEXT ONE WAKING UP IN A WET SPOT!!!!

The Girl Formerly Known As 'The Blonde Vixxxen'

As many of you may have noticed...I disappeared off the face of the earth for a while. I took my backpack, & flashlight & some gum for my bad morning breath & just left. A hiatus from the entire social world!  Did a little reflecting, made a few changes in attempts to better myself. Not saying that I succeeded. Actually I highly doubt that I did, but just play along with me and pretend to be supportive of the new me, OK? Thanks. So you may have also noticed I deleted my twitter @TheBlondVixxxen does not exist anymore!!!      =,(  I know, I know...how devastating! No more roasting, & bullying people on the internet! SIIIIIIIKE. That my Loves is why I am here, returning with my blog so that I can hurt peoples feelings in the privacy of my own world. =) No one to block me or report me to the twitter police. HA! Every week I'll find a new deserving victim to pick on...just cause I can! Dont worry...I'll still be posting my "disaster dates" & other rants and raves. And by the way I am still on twitter, however I only use the page for promotional/networking purposes. @RHCs_QueenB. Like before I'll try to have a post atleast twice a week...So fasten your seatbelts...We're back in the fast lane again!!!

Ladies Night Out

So lastnight was my first time going to a club in a while, and I must say I definitely had a memorable night! From the drunk white girls booty poppin and grinding on me to the "straight" guy who dry humped me till he had a seizure in desperate efforts to prove he is not gay! LMAO. The thing is, there is nothing you can do to convince me you are not gay when your hair is practically super glued to the side of your face with gel, your skinny jeans so snug I can see the imprint of your balls, and your hand looks permanently broke. GAY GAY GAY! Despite my efforts to convince him that his "undercover" sexuality was something that I was comfortable with he failed to come to terms with his love for "meat" and insisted the whole night how straight he was, and how much he loved pussy. Anyway, he was indeed the highlight of my night. The majority of my night consisted of me downing whatever alcoholic beverages had the quickest effect on me. I danced with random white girls, bending em' over on the dance floor, while I groped them. I took down numbers, and flirted with the bartender. By the end of the night I was definitely the life of the party, successfully winning over damn near everyone in the club with my charisma and wacky personality. We exited the first club a couple hours before closing to make our appearance at a majorly stale strip club where the females were a little too washed up for my liking. But I still got the spot poppin, threw a few dollars at the most decent looking stripper in the spot and engaging in a little meaningless fondling with my right hand girl. All eyes were definitely on us lastnight! From head to toe we looked amazingly perfect. And I definitely look forward to doing it all again soon. Besides whats a party without "The Blonde Vixxxen" right?

I'm In Love With A Stripper...

I know for a fact I cant be the only one that is completly fascinated by strippers. Could it be the way they work the pole with such ease? Or maybe its the confidence and sex appeal when performing on stage...so alluring & irresistable! To hell if I have the answer...but damn I love me some strippers. I have been told on plenty occassions I'm like a guy in a girls body. I LOVE goin to the strip club and throwin dollars at these females. Gettin private dances, and even coppin a few numbers before I leave. Its mentally arousing to be in the presence of another female, who is confident in her beauty, dressed half naked in front of me trying to catch everyone's eye. Well atleast the ones with the fat wallets. In fact I was so intrigued by stripping so much I myself was a stripper for a couple of months. It was hard! I had to look the part, dress the part, and act the part. Although some of the things other girls worry about didnt bother me such as "What if my so and so comes in here and sees me" naaah. If someone I knew walked into the club as I was on stage I would wave and go about my damn business. I aint there to socialize, or any of that shit. I'm there to get caked up...aint no way in hell I would let somebody else fuck with my money. I could give two fucks how anyone felt about me, or what they would have to say if this did come out. Dont talk shit talk benjamins, and if you cant talk benjamins then shut the fuck up. Anyway...stripper life was interesting! I gained a lot of friends that I normally wouldnt have spoke to. Some of them bitches was BBBBBBUSTED!!! But we all treated each other like sisters, or some life long friends. At times I felt like I was back in high school with all the drama & shit talkin. But overall it was one of the best experiences ever. I feel like since then I have grown a new respect for strippers, I know what its like to walk around in 6inch heels tryna look cute and keep a smile on your face even though your shoes is too small, your back hurt and your weave is fallin apart. LOL I dont know why but I cant for the life of me stay out the damn clubs. Im addicted to bitches....im addicted to mackin. ha...dont believe just check my resume baby. lol..Bottom line...strippers are every man's fantasy! I despise the ones who dont realy understand that this is a job not a lifestyle. I see a lot of girls get blasted because they are strippers, these jesus freaks all over judging, and condemning them. Not knowing they are just as hard workin, loyal, honest etc. Strippers are normal human beings, majority of them are fine as shit! And see thats my problem...I fear I CANT STAY AWAY FROM THE Showgirls...honestly If there is some type of "Strippers Anonymous" class I would very much so liked to be signed up for that shit! Cause a bitch can go broke in these damn clubs. But answer me this... IS THERE A SUCH THING AS ADDICTION? & WHAT IS YOUR TAKE ON THE STRIPPERS good bad or ugly????

WTF is wrong with you people???!

Twitter Couples How the fuck are you a couple & yall just started following each other 2 months ago on twitter. Talmbout…”baby after I seen u retweet dat last tweet of mines I fell in love” BITCH what! I will slit yo gotdamn throat talkin crazy like that. How da fuck u fall in love with somebody over twitter…aint never spoke 2 em on the phone, aint never kissed em, hugged em, fucked em….hell u aint even never skyped wit they ass before but somehow u know…U IN LOVE!?? FUCK OUTTA HERE…you sound like an ultimate supreme cornball w/ extra cheese. Who the hell falls in luv with some tweets? Lol cmon now…im not talkin shit im telling the damn truth! Furthermore…umm yea u tryna buck up on ya followers like “Ay don’t be tweetin dat nigga! U know he be lookin at yo tits.” LMFAO WHAT! Well tell that bitch to take her naked twitcon down & wont nobody look at her dried up nipples. Or the bitches will tweet shit like this…. “ALL U GROUPIE HOZ better stay off my man! @1RealSexyNigga cause he is all mines!” BITCH HUH!?? How he all yours but u don’t even know what this nigga look like in real life. So you mean to tell me you gone just fall in love with sumbody twitcon and that’s it! IDGAF what nobody say, aint no damn body fallin in REAL luv on twitter and anybody that objects to this is obviously on crack. Period pointblank.



LOLz & other suspect words. Such as no-homo should not be slippin out NO grown man’s mouth. IDGAF if Obama said it…no man has no business sayin no damn “LOLz” in a text message. WTF nigga SUSPECT I know a nigga that swear he got swag thru the roof…he claim he get all da bitches yet this nigga walk around talmbout “Forealz” FOR-REALS?!!! NIGGA did u just say FOR-REALS?! I will slap u in the head with a dictionary & crush yo brain like a walnut. If u tryna convince me you straight but u got the vocabulary of a 12 year old girl. SMH…you better quit lyin to yo self, like you don’t get yo butt hole poked by miscellaneous objects on special occassions & all major holidays. I SEE U….you aint slick fag



Follow me & I follow u. 1st of all I wouldn’t even want yo ass to follow me in REAL LIFE let along on twitter…so HOW BOUT I DON’T FOLLOW U! ima block yo ass & report u as spam. You should know by now idgaf bout no got damn twitter. No follows, no nothing dat got 2 do w/ dat handicap blue bird throwin up gang signs. Cus honestly if u look close da twitter bird look like he just got high as fuck when he appear. Speakin of da twitter bird…I’d like 2 give a special Shout Out & FUCK U 2 all the niggas on twitter who still aint saved up enough allowance to buy a disposable camera at the least & take a few snapshots 2 use as an icon on yo profile. Like nigga u wonder why u aint got no followers…cus niggas don’t wanna tweet a blue ass bird…WTF do u look like nigga!? Was u so ugly twitter rejected yo picture and stuck dat got damn bird up there instead? LOL but 4real man…I aint following a got damn muthufukn thang…less jesus floated down on a cloud & was like “yo bitch follow dat nigga & ima let u hit da weed” but we all know dat aint gone happen so I guess I aint following back.



Speakin of jesus…Man I bet they got the best kush in heaven. Cmon now if jesus can turn water into wine he can turn weed into sum shit dat will have yo ass so blasted u gone get saved just so u can smoke the weed w/ jesus. Lol MAN DON’T LIE! If he can get yo ass drunk off H2O he can get u high off dust. Hell he can take an old nike Shox shoe carve the sole off & light that mufuka have u high as fuck talmbout “Just DO It” lmao…shit…wtf am I talmbout im high as fuck. Im outta here.

Does Size Matter?

I have a question for you...what would you do if you was really feelin a dude, got him home & when it was time to get down and dirty he pulled his boxers off & his dick was hidin behind his balls? LMAO naw forreal man...I mean in all honesty if this nigga had a no 2 pencil attatched where his actual penis is suppose to be...could you get any satisfaction from that? Or is that the size is not as important as the quality of the motion. If you feel what im sayin. Look I know this may be makin some people uncomfortable, and honestly I dont give a fuck. This is my motherfuckin blog and ima say what the hell I want. But anyway...yea as I was sayin...do you females feel as if size really is a huge factor?? Sittin here thinkin about it from my own point of view...I really feel a lot of times it can be "looked over" if the dude really know how to put it down that one way. Have yo knees shakin & yo feet curled up like you on a scary ride with his infant size penis. Its definitely a posibility. lol I dont feel like its right to just not fuck with somebody cause they dick is a little on the miniature side, but we as women all have those shallow moments. I'm sure its a few niggas readin this right now a lightbulb just turned on in they head, like "THATS WHY THAT BITCH LEFT ME!!" mhmm....It could be! LOL I've only had 1 dude who's package looked like it was delayed. But man oh man...that dude used to kill my guts! LMFAO. Forreal, I used to forget his penis was only a little bigger than my index finger cause he was doin all this extra stuff to distract me. Pullin hair, smackin ass...ya know stuff that can make you forget all about the size. LOL But man Its Just somethin about those anachonda dicks...sheeesh. I feel like such a slut-bag-whore for writin this blog lmfao. Oh well. You probablly gone think I'm lyin but one of my x boyfriends almost massacred my cervix one day. lol His dick was the size of a 5$ dollar footlong...shit my stomach is hurtin just thinkin of it. See the only problem with that is he couldnt really put it down on me like I wanted cause his dick would reach all the way up to my windpipe & knock the breath out of me. One day I almost passed out ...I decided finally to put 911 on speed dial cause fuckin him was like playin with death. Well...bottom line is yes size does have an effect sometimes....its nothin like big dick to hit the spot but sometimes that little dick can go places no dick has gone before. LOL so Bitches dont be turnin yo nose up at the "lil men" & Lil Men dont you fret...yo dick so small your girl dont know if you in or not? Theres an App for that!! GIVE HER HEAD! hahaha...yea you know how they say you got to lick it before you stick it?!! Yea you got to lick it but please dont stick it. lol "what if you suck at givin head?" you ask? Well damn....nigga go to the fridge grab a nice ripe cucumber stick it in your pants, turn off the lights & pound that pussy. LMFAO Real Deal. & why you sittin there judgin me...you probablly the muthafuker who aint got no play in so long yo pussy expired. So take my advice if you tryna feel nice. That is all.

The Black & White Issue

Are white girls better than black girls? LOL for real! YEA I SAID IT!! Shit I wanna know your honest opinion...like real deal hollyfield how do you feel about the black and white issue? I know some of yall probablly thinking to ya self "Oh Laaaawd here she go again!" But look this is some real shit. I was speakin to my home girl the other day about relationships. And my friend is white, she typically dates black dudes. But she had said that she feels like a lot of the dudes she dates only dates black girls, and she feels like she cant compare to them. I instantly L.O.L.ed cus it was funny hearing that come from a white girl. Now I'm not gonna lie for a long time I have stereotyped white chics. I have always felt like they thought they were better than us. I dont know if this is because of the environment I grew up in or what. But I was raised being taught that "white people are evil" & "they rule the world" Of course me being a grown ass woman, I dont have this thinking today but these are some of the things people around me would say. I can even remember being a teenager and wanting to put a relaxer in my hair and my mom told me "why you tryna be a white girl getting your hair bone straight" of course I wanted to respond like "Look bitch i dont wanna be white, I wanna be right damnit! & I aint gone be right with these naps in my head." But the smart girl in me just said "No I dont want to be white, its just hard to do my hair" See its just little things like that, which started putting these superior thoughts in my head about white people. Its a damn shame thinking about it now because in my honest opinion aint no color, better than another color. However I def do feel as if some races have certain "advantages" over other races. But that does not mean I feel one race is weaker than another. Now check this out, I can truly say theres has been sometimes I wished I was white, like when we would run out of food & eat Peanut butter & jelly sandwiches on hamburger buns, or gourmet Ramen Noodles. Which is basically just noodles w/ hot dogs & other misclelanious things in em to get you full LOL I mean honestly who wants cereal w/ water over eggs & pancakes for breakfast?? & growin up a lot of my white friends always was invitin me over for dinner's and shit. Like cmon now you would never catch a guest at our table cause it wasnt enough food to go around. & Fuck whoever try to act like they not familiar with government cheese. hmphh!! But what I'm really dyin to know is how do black men feel about black & white girls?? I mean Is there one that you would choose over the other and why? This is one of those post I want to hear from you. Honest opinions. If you feel a certain way by all means let me know. I dont expect you to say one thing over the other. I just want to know. Is it true white girls are the biggest freaks!? Do all white girls really swallow? Cause if they do hell...yall bitches is some freaks. LMAO In the end none of this shit dont matter huh...cause black girls still gone be some savages & white girls still gone steal all the NBA players. LMAO naw but forreal though.

If It Wasn't For Weed....

I dont care what nobody say, weed is the most phenomenal thing on this planet besides head. Especially a girl givin you head...sheeesh *curls toes* But anyway...thats a whole nother blog. LOL But seriously though...could you imagine what the world would be like if there was no weed. You think we "livin in our last days now" oh without weed we would be "livin in our last seconds" right about now. Everybody would try to smoke shrubs marinated in cocaine nshit. People would be tryna blow up the electric company, & cable place. Cause they got they shit cut off behind a past due bill. & if only they had smoked a blunt right when they shit was gettin cut off, they would be all good. Matter of fact, yo ass probablly woulda went out there and helped the dude shut yo shit off cause you just that high & you feel extra friendly. Anything is tolerable when you're high. Just think if a man came up to you right now & punched you in the face you would probablly give him a high five & a thumbs up. Like "Duuuude that was sooooooo cooooool" *hippie voice* Mary J makes everything so "AWESOME" lol. Now since i'm on the subject of weed, what i really wanna know is How do you feel about chics gettin high all the time? Is it a turn-off to see a girl takin a blunt to the face? Cause I do it on the regular & I must say.... "I dont give a fuck if you like it or not, cause ima still get high" Yea...fuck your opinion. See I just had a mood-swing cause I have yet to smoke. I should be writing this shit while im high. So you can really feel the kush in my words. lol Weed will make any bad situation a positive right away. I dont care if the doc just came back & told yo ass you got aids & only have 6months to live. Take a bong hit & see how you feel in about five minutes. If a smile & a "mr. rodgers neighborhood" whistle dont slip outta you yo ass aint high enough I suggest you "light the blunt...puff...hold....blow...REPEAT. lol & you good to go. As soon as im done writin this blog ima call the weed dude & cop me somethin strong & stanky...the stankier the weed the better the high!!! & thats a fact. So my question to you is how has weed changed your life? If it wasnt for weed I woulda broke my neighbors neck & chopped her dog up into little bite size hot dog pieces cause that bitch is annoying. But thanks to weed it steered me from that path of destruction, the roadway to serial killin...to a road of happiness...sunshine & rainbows, talkin m&ms & cotton candy clouds. Speakin of cotton candy...my ass got the munchies!!! I smoked all night lastnight...see THATS THAT HIGH SHIT! lmao

You Damn Cheater!!!

Now I know what you're probablly thinking... "Oh Boy! Here she go..." Nope I am not about to start cryin nshit because I was cheated on. Ha...I'm actually gonna tell you how to prevent being cheated on. This one is really for all my chics, but fellas I got a few words for yall as well.

Once Upon a time there was this bad bad chic, everywhere she went dudes & females would hit on her. One day she meets this dude who sweeps her off her feet & they get married....and lived happily ever after??!! NOPE...see this chic thought she was so fine she could make her man stay loyal to her just off looks alone. Nope. Everyday her man came home from work, the house was a mess, dishes piled in the sink, no dinner on the table. He complained begged, & pleaded with her to stat being a better housewife & she would reply "baby I am a excellent housewife, you come home to the best pussy everynight my love" This angered him very much because he didnt care about no pussy if his stomach was hungry & the sheets aint been changed in 3 weeks. SO He starts foolin around with a co-worker & starts growin feelings for her. He would come to her house for a little rendezvous & she would have a hot meal waitin for him lit by candlelight. The house was spotless, & she even cleaned the dishes after dinner. Of course he couldnt help but fall in love with this girl despite the fact that she was not as pretty as his wife. Damn she was better. She sucked his dick without complaints & treated him like a king. Finally he couldnt take it anymore...he came home to his wife and said "Look BITCH im sick of this shit! yoou dont clean, you dont cook, bitch all you do is spend my money & get yo weave done every week. I want a fuckin divorce. He divorced that bitch, married his co-worker & then LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

Now the moral to the story is...
dont think just cause you pretty your nigga aint gonna cheat on you. Cause thats exactly what he will do! Three things you can do to keep your man satisfied & never even breathe in another bitches direction.
#1 HEAD...im talkin head in the livingroom, head in the kitchen, head during breakfast, head in the shower. Sloppy head, crazy head, pornstar head. You gone be so busy suckin his dick all the time he wont have time to think about another girl.
#2 Feed Him...how would you like it if everytime you came home from a 12hr shift the house smelled like old gym socks & spoiled milk? & your man been home all day with his feet kicked up watching football or some shit! You better make sure that house looks immaculate as soon as he steps in the door he better be overcome with the snell of chicken & mashed potatoes. No man wants an empty stomach & if you aint cookin best believe the bitch next door is.
#3 pornstar fuck him...yea. thats what i said! PORNSTAR FUCK HIM...next time youre at the video store grab a handful of pornos. All the shit that makes you say "eeeew thats nasty" or "damn that bitch is a freak...i would never do that" DO IT!! The freakier the better. Men get bored easily...especially in the missionary position on a fluffy bed. SHit sounds boring as hell just thinkin about it. Anyway my point is niggas like that nasty crazy off the wall fuckin...they want a freak! so give em a freak! hE WONT LOOK AT YOU ANY DIFFERENT I SWEAR....the more you change it up on him the more he gone be so sprung he aint gone even think about another broad!

Take note of what i'm sayin...by all means if you are a victim of cheatin....there aint shit else you can do about it now. Well of course you could go and slash his tires, burn his shit, and throw acid on his penis. But will that resolve how you feel inside. I bet it wont. See the way I see it is if you cant beat em' join em'. If your man cant leave the freaks alone...become one of the freaks. Give him a reason to wanna come home and ROCK yo shit every night. lol And stop sittin there behind your computer screen talkin bout "she dont know what the hell she talkin about!" hmpph dont be so sure, I may be bonin your man as we speak. LOL

& To the hard head ass dudes out there who just has to have everything his damn way! I definitely dont want to hear your ass crying nshit talkin cause your girl done went and fucked your friend. Well, your friend probablly put it down on her unlike anything you have ever shown her. And if thats the case you know what you have to do...? EAT IT THEN BEAT IT! ha...if you catch my drift. I remember it was a time when niggas wasnt even on that eatin pussy...but now its like a damn trend. Everybody is doin it, even a lot of bitches. lol As long as you give her a little tongue action before you start the tappin you good to go. You gone keep a smile on her face for the next week, and I can guarantee the last thing on her mind will be some other nigga. You gone have her fiendin for it at work, and all that. HA. Bottom line is if you put in a little work and effort you gone keep your partner happy & what reason then would they have to even watch another porno without considering you first? Please do try this at home & let me know how it works out. lol.

Trapped in the closet?...Its ok ur not alone

Ok this is something I been wanting to get off my chest for a long time now, and today is the right day to speak my damn mind. You niggas think you so slick dont you? With all this "no homo" shit you keep screamin. *side eye* mhmmm....NO HOMO my ass...It be the thug niggas who be the most gay too. The type of dudes that will make a big scene in front of his boys if you make too many gay jokes or accidently brush up against his balls as you walk past him. But later on that night that same nigga laid up on the couch watchin 2 buff niggas in leopard thongs kissin on a beach, while he jack off. mhmm. I SEE YOU FRUITCAKE ASS BUSTAS! Man I know for a fact that "no homo" shit was a way for the real homos to get away with sayin some suspect shit without a non-homo beatin the fuck outta him. Shit I use to date this dude who always had me wondering about him. Like is this nigga playin with boy's bootholes when we not together. Everytime we had sex he would push my head on his chest & moan talkin bout "suck my nipples baby....ooow suck my nipples" NIGGA HUH! suck yo nipples? uuh-uhhhhhhhhn YOU GAY ASS BASTARD! I mean I aint gone lie I would do it only cause it made him cum. But who has an orgasm while a bitch sucks on their nipples? Somethin aint right!!! & You know it too. I never said nothin to him about it, but I know for a fact if he ever went to jail, he gone be the nigga on the top bunk starin down at his roomate lickin his lips talkin bout "damn he got some big thighs..owwweeee" lol Im not writing all this to say that there is something wrong with being gay cause yall know I'm a little fruit cake myself lol but niggas really needa step out the closet and quit tryna play the "thug" role. We know some of yall got pink polka dot thongs up under them saggy jeans & blue boxers. Tryna hide your identity aint gone make you any less gay. If you like to pack the fudge then you like to pack the fudge. Like Tupac said "I aint mad atcha" lol Let this be an encouragement to all you fools trapped in the closet and feel like there's no way out. There is baby...all you gotta do is high step it out that closet with your favorite stilletos snap yo finger in a circle and say "dicks over chicks" Sure some of ya boys may beat the shit outta you, some may disown you as they patna but the good thing is "you are now free to move about the country" in peace. You homo niggas. LMAO

Sleep Walking & Chocolate Condoms

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you just want the shit to be over already because every damn thing that could go wrong, DOES go wrong? Yea well this week was ridiculous. SMH I mean damn, talk about some bad luck. I'm not even gonna sit here and give you a run-down of my week cause that will probablly set me off all over again. But what I will do is tell you how my weekend made up for all the bullshit.

FRIDAY Night:
Me and Michael go and see the new Nightmare on elm street & he is loud as shit in the movies. Actin like the average loud as black man talkin bout "BITCH TURN AROUND...HE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!" smh this nigga is a clown he almost made me cuss his ass out for being so damn loud. And had all the white people ssssh'n us in the movie theater. I'm like Micahel could you shut the fuck up so we can watch the movie. By the middle of the movie I fell asleep in his arms because to be honest that shit was TRASH! I'm like first of that dont even look like the old Freddy! Where the fuck is the old freddy at and why dude look like a burnt chia pet. Anyway I woke up toward the end of the movie as Freddy was gauging some bitches guts out and I screamed my ass off. Sometimes I would scream just to piss off the sadity white people who kept goin "SSSSSSHHHHH" Well we leave the movies and get dinner at this little mexican spot and some dude with a big ass sombrero tried to hit on me so Michael gets all hostile and shit. ughhh...men will be men. We end up driving downtown and sitting in the car smoking a nice joint to the face! & it was some good shit to cause I was so high I thought the car was driving itself. We grab a 6 pack of Corona, get back home & suck down 3 bottles a piece within 20 minutes and pass out on the couch. And that was basically my Friday night. Saturday is even better. lol

SATURDAY Night:
Now a lot of Saturday is kinda coming together in flashes. Seeing hows I was so drunk I pissed vodka this morning. Anyways. So yea Me and Michael meet up at the park and sit there like a corny ass couple holding hands on a park bench. (his idea not mine) Personally I woulda preferred to be indoors gettin my brains fucked out but hey thats just me right. lol We get into a big argument (over a dude) Then he tells me "im not a jealous dude, if you wanna fuck someone else go ahead just use protection" Now WHATS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!? Like cmon now, you really giving me permission to fuck someone else. *gucci voice* Well DAMN you aint gotta tell me twice. LMAO hey hey I'm only kidding. sorta. See here's the thing I'm going to Miami in about a week and umm....YEA! The person I really wanna be screwing lives there. *big grin* See I been thinking about him every single day! LIKE EVERY DAMN DAY! & when i'm kickin it with michael I'm thinkin damn I wonder what "He" is doing lol thats so bad I know. With one nigga, but really thinking about someone else. hmm...Anyway back to my Saturday. SO we get into an arument, then guess what...all the sudden this fool starts falling asleep!! Im like what the FUCK! NIGGA WAKE UP! But he wont wake up...he is foamin at the mouth and shit. Then I start to panick like OH FUCK! Did I slip him some pills and forget or what?!! I shake him and he snaps awake like nothing had even happen, and goes back to talkin. I'm like what in the hell. Apparently he took some medication that makes him drowsy so pretty much this fool was falling asleep in public. And I kid you not it was the funniest shit I have ever seen in my life. We walk to the corner store and this fool falls asleep at the counter. We got to McDonalds and he falls asleep with a BigMac in his hand. We get to the house and he falls asleep leaning against the counter drinkin a milkshake. hahahaha Like just thinking about it makes me weak with laughter. We walk to the car and this nigga is steppin on imaginary curbs. lmfao like he literally put his knees all the way up in the air thinking he stepping on a curb. The shit is hilarious. Everytime he started dozin off I would yell in his face "MICHAEL WAKE UP!!!" hahahaha He would snap awake and mumble some nonsense. Which I could barely understand. Something bout cheese fries and a medicine cabinet or something. I have no clue. Anyway later that night I put him in bed and i'm laying on the couch watching t.v. next thing I know this fool done slept walked into the living room standing in front of me with a chocolate condom in his mouth. And tells me "lets go half on a baby" Im like nigga YOU SLEEP!!! how you gone make a baby in yo sleep!? lmao So he tries to open his eyes and Im like NO fool give it up take yo butt and get in the bed PLEASE! This shit is ridiculous. He wont listen to me...foaming at the mouth again YUCK! I finally say FUCK IT and pull him to the couch, start unbottoning his pants and next thing I know this nigga is snorin on top of me. Like cmon now dude! Get yo heavy ass up...and take yo chocolate condom with you. Can you believe it took me 10 minutes just to get this boy off me and back into the bed. What a damn shame. Im tellin you I havent laughed this damn hard in a long time. Like this shit was hilarious. Now Im pretty disappointed though, because I want to be doing more than just sitting around watching t.v. on a Saturday night so I crack open the three olives in the freezer and start takin shots. At first I said I was just gonna take 2 then 2 turned into about 7 lol by the time I realized I was drunk I had already devoured nearly the whole bottle. I realize I have to hide the bottle because that was a fresh bottle of vodka that i drank all to myself. And it really wasnt mines to drink in the first place. Oh well the dirt is done now. I stash the near-empty bottle in the bottom cupboard behind some cans of corn and stumble to the couch. And apparently passed out. Hey just like Friday lol. SO pretty much the rest of the week ima have to lay off the booze and green shit cause how useful am I when im not sober? EXACTLY! I been thinkin about goin to an AA class just for the fuck of it. I mean not like im really gonna quit drinkin all togther but i can afford to take a few days off. Come next Friday i'll be wasted again. Who am I foolin? Now the question is WHAT TO DO ON SUNDAY? hmm....fornication is not completly out the picture as long as this nigga can stay awake. hahaha

She Eats The Box?!!

Is it me or does it seem like everyone and they mama is turnin lesbo? I cant even keep count of all the bitches I know personally who have went from being straight to just a little crooked. Now every chic I see is on the whole "Fuck Niggas" movement. How did that become a movement anyway!? Its funny cause a lot of dudes is part the "Fuck Bitches" movement. HA! Not that they dont have good reason because "Us Females" are some grimey little bitches. I'm telling you what I know, not that I have done anything...well actually NEVERMIND. lol Whats really bugging the hell out of me though is why are all the "lesbians" or "bi" chics ugly as hell? hmph. For instance everytime I see a twitter name with "bi" or "I Like Chics" in it...I click on the profile & throw up in my mouth! OMG! WHHHHHY! Be foolin me and shit I wanna slap the fuck outta twitter for allowing these ugly bitches to create an account. ewwww...I'm gonna hurl again. shheeesh. These broads all turned lesbo cause they face so disgusting no nigga in his right mind would date em' or even fuck em' not even with a brown paper bag on their face. ha ha ha...its actually amusing because these big boned dykes really tryna fool us talkin bout "I turned gay cause niggas aint shit" mhmmm...sure BITCH...we know you still a virgin you aint never even had a nigga so how would you know "they aint shit?" I dont know bout nobody else but when it comes to females my standards are extremely HIGH! I dont want no bald head chic, you cant be to big in the waist, & you gotta know how to dress...GOOD! I dont mean dress good like yo coogi jeans, match your coogi shirt. Fuck up out my face with that dry shit. You gotta be style conscious and baby phat aint gone cut it. sorry im just sayin. Furthermore brush yo teeth on more than a weekly occasion, if you got bald spots or missin edges you not for me! lol Im not playin around though, im dead serious. Call me shallow you know I dont give a fuck anyway. But yea man, thats why I tell people I KINDA like chics. lol It aint a all the way typa thing lol. I'll take a funky ass no good nigga any day before I waste my time with a rusty head scallywag with no class. And if you find this offensive you probablly just the cheap, ugly bitch im ramblin about right now. Get it together bitches...or get left behind.

Things That Will Get You Killed

Texting my phone repeatedly- even after I dont respond to the first 100 messages. =( Now who in their right mind is gonna be stupid enough to send multiple messages without getting a single response? You basically are talkin to yourself when you text and say "whats Good" "What up" or "hey" AUTOMATIC IGNORE! Aint no way in hell im gonna waste my precious finger energy on replying to a dumbass text askin me "whats good" Whats good is that I can delete that damn message, and tell you I never got it, and dont be stupid enough to call after that because that will get you cussed out. In a real nasty kinda way. Stay off my line unless it's an emergency, or you got some money you givin away.


Talking in my face with funky ass breath- why would you do that? You know your breath stink cause everytime you open your mouth your tongue ducks for cover. hmmph. Yet and still you laughing extra hard and shit talking bout "GIRL GUESS WHAT" No bitch you guess what...guess what flavor of mouth wash im finna hit you in the mouth with you stank breath son of a bitch. smh...& to make it worse stank breath people always wanna lean in when talking to you like they telling you a secret. Thats like farting in someones face...you wouldnt bend over and let one rip in your granny's face would you? So why is your disrespectful ass in my face gossiping with that sewer breath it smelled like 10 russians laid in yo mouth and died. Make me wanna grab a stick of deodarant & wipe yo tongue with it...ol' musty mouth.

Asking to borrow my shoes-Hell no you cant borrow my shoes. Number 1 you wear a size 10 how the hell you plan on squeezin them boats into my size 7s? You got feet bigger than Paul Bunyan talkin bout "they fit better without socks" no BITCH they dont fit at all...even if you put some baby oil on the bottom of yo feet they still wouldnt slip into my shoes. Furthermore when was the last time you took a bath? The bottom of yo feet loook like you work in a coal mime! You must be out yo damn mind if you think ima go for that better get you a pair of flip flops & get the fuck up out my face.



Borrowing money from me and dont never pay it back- So you borrowed 10$ from me & everytime I see you, you aint got my damn money!! WTF is wrong wit you? I give everybody a 1 day grace period to pay my money back after that...uh-uhnnnn im comin to find you. Ima be searchin for yo ass like a bounty hunter over my damn money. & dont try to play no damn lame excuses on me talkn bout "you lost yo job" hmph wtf that got to do with me? I dont give a damn, you better apply for unemployment & in the meantime & in between time Ima need you to gimme my damn money! PERIOD POINTBLANK. dont ask me shit bout "how am i supposed to get it" DID I ask how am I supposed to get it when you borrowed it? HELL NO! I dont care if you gotta kill, steal, & rob for my shit...I WANT MY MONEY! What really gets me is how a nigga who owe you money will duck & dodge yo ass for the longest, til' that one day you catch em' comin out the mall wit a "Foot Locker" bag or somethin, then they try to play it off talkin bout "they cousin just bought em some shoes" *side eye* mmhmmm...yo cousin better loan you 10$ to pay off yo debt thats all the hell I know. Fuck all the excuses. Cause while you playin I will kidnap yo dog & hold him for 10$ ransom! Better hope "todo" dont come back with a black eye or somethin cause I dont play about my money.

tuuh. If you dont know you better ask somebody, just cause I look nice dont mean shit. I'll break into yo house & eat up all yo fresh groceries...I dont kill unless I got to. & If you dont wanna end up dead...you better act like you got some damn sense around here. Untill next time ladies, Gentlemen, & "others"

Love can play in traffic & die...I HATE LOVE

For all those who know me, or follow my blog like "loyal lil followers" lol you know my trials and tribulations with love or things related to love are one of the most complex things in my life right now. I'm not gonna sit here and spill out the depths of my heart to you, or tell you another sad tale of yet another failed date. Nope. Not today. Today I wanted to take the time out to tell you I HATE LOVE! & All of it's components. See the thing about love is, it always seems to find me at the wrong damn times in my life. Times when I'm far from ready to jump on the bandwagon holding hands, and french kissing in the middle of a rain streaked sidewalked wrapped in the strong embrace of a beloved partner. sounds good huh...FUCK THAT! If I ever catch cupid lurking around my bedroom window i'm gonna take that damn arrow and shove it up his ass. Love is breathing down my neck right now...like a predator in pursuit of its prey. I hate the feeling! Furthermore not only that, but I find myself in the worse predicaments of all...loving 2 people at the same damn time. tsk tsk tsk...definitely absolutely positively NOT A GOOD LOOK! The thing is the person who I really could see myself being with I dont know if I want to go there with them, because we have an incredible friendship, & he has so much going for him I would hate to get in the way of his success. The other person...hmm...I've known him for a lot longer however, as the days go by i start to feel like I love him less and less. At one time he was what EVERYTHING that I wanted. Now hmm...since knowing this other person Ive just grown to realize...I do love him. But I know in my heart he is not the one for me. But damn he is so fine...lol. Im gonna just shut up...I dont wanna think about love, see love, hear love. Im getting sick just writing LOVE so many times. Aaaaahhhhh. The next time I see somebody makin out in the grocery store ima hit em' in the head with a can of cream style corn. FUCK you love bird bastards. "I'm down with o.p.p. (other peoples property) yea you know me" lol

Sexcapades...sumtimes you gotta do what you gotta do

Soooo...all day today I was super horny. lol I was thinkin bout getting it in like all day! I was in the grocery store & when the lady asked me "paper or plastic?" I wanted to say "Magnums XL" lol when I was driving I kept thinkin bout doin it in the car. ughhh goin crazy with the horny thoughts. FINALLY I couldnt take it anymore. Even though I didnt want to...I called my X & told him I'm comin over. DAMNIT. Even though he was the last person I wanted to see because this lil fucker really showed out a few days ago & I said Fuck Him. I'm cool off him...apparently not anymore. I pull up in the driveway & start contemplating whether or not I should even go in, but I do. Fuck it im here now right. As soon as I walk in the door he's talkin shit. bla bla bla bla bla thats all I hear. Now even though I love this nigga, I really truly cant stand him so being in the same room with him for more than 30minutes is def not a good look unless he puttin in some work between my legs with his tongue. Then I guess he ok...lol. Anyway im in the kitchen diggin through the cupboards for something to eat...off of him. lmao (just kidding) No really i'm starving so im looking for some food when he comes from behind me & just starts taking off my clothes. See one good thing about him is even though he gets on my last fuckin nerve he knows how to put it down on me so I'm gettin kinda excited when he starts for my pants. The fucked up thing about it though is the whole time i'm kinda pretending he's someone else. hahahaha (hey fuck you dont judge me) well...he gets my pants off & lifts me to the counter not even speaking. (he knows better) I'm still thinkin in my mind "damn i really wish this was so & so right now doin this to me" But Fuck it, he'll do for now. I'm on the counter, & I grab his neck & lean in 2 kiss it when he pushes my legs open & straight up just tongue fucks me. oooow...where did that come from? Caught me off guard like sheeesh this is the business!!!! He is goin to work on me...like damn my pussy is cryin lol...I'm kinda ready for him to just stick it to me now...but he wont. UGHHH! still givin me dome like the shit is an addiction. And I love it. Finally he climbs up & slides me nearly off the counter & goes inside of me. Actually i'm kinda bored at this point cause I realize he's on some love making shit...which im really not diggin at all. He's still goin slow, I look at my pretend watch on my wrist to check the time. lol Fuck it... I wrap my arms around him and pull him inside of me all the way & tell him "No. dont go slow, I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME" & daaaaaaaaamn he did...lol This nigga pounded the fuck outta me for a good 15 minutes...slid me off the counter stuck me against the wall...banged me up for a little longer...then throws me on the couch & fucks me from behind...man he is goin hard & oops what do I do? bwuahahaha (said somebody elses name) hahahahaahahah oops. he doesnt catch it, he's 2 mesmerized by the pussy sweatin nshit so he doesnt even notice. But I sure did. lol I kid you not, my lungs hurt, my stomach hurt, my back hurt. lmao He literally BLEW MY BACK OUT...cause aftewards I collapsed on the floor like FUUUUUUUCK. That was the best but now I gotta go. hahaha Oh well what can I say, the whole single life is cool, But niggas suck! The one I truly want...I dont have him. He lives a zillion trillion miles away. I'm not gonna go on anymore hell dates, so in the meantime & in between time while i'm still single i'll settle for this, gettin it in with my ignorant X, settling for less untill one day I get "the best" =)

You Must Be Out Yo Damn Mind!

Some of yall raggedy asses need some home-training! Straight up. I see too much unacceptable behavior goin on around me. Ima need yall to get it together real fast...& so now i proceed to speak my damn mind.

**I come over to your house to chill, thats it...just chill & you got the nerve to ask me to give you some head?
Nigga what! You must be out yo damn mind. I put some hot sauce on yo dick & throw it in a fryin pan...then I will sit & watch you suck ya own damn dick you damn fool. '

**You offer to give me a ride, and when we get in the car and start driving you complain about how you aint got no gas. What the fuck you tellin me for? Shit this was not part of the plan when I got my ass in the car. You said you would take me where I needed to go, & considering there was no prior agreement to give you not one damn nickel I aint coughin up a gotdamn thing. Matter fact drop me at the damn bus stop shit ima use this last 5$ and get on the bus then get me a bag of doritos & a soda...hope yo ass dont run outta gas on the way back home.

**I'm at yo house hangin with you and I see you gettin all dressed up, stylin yo hair nshit...then got the nerve to ask me can I babysit! Da fuck wrong with you? I aint babysittin shit...you better have them bad ass kids babysit they damn self cause I be damn if I sit here tryna keep yo snotty face kids in check while you out at the club shakin yo stankin ass. & dont try to pull a fast ball on me talkin bout you gone run to the store real quick cus I will straight call children's services on yo ass. forreal. Them kids will be pullin off in the back of a dusty white van as you pullin back up to the house...what the hell wrong with you?

**I stay the night at your house, and you aint got no toilet paper. Tuuh. I bet ima use yo damn face towel...I'm not gone be pissy for nobody! & thats real. You can get 4 rolls of tissue at the dollar tree for 1$ so aint no excuse for this shit. What if I have diarrhea? You one selfish bitch to not have no tissue. Just make sure you wash that face rag out before you use it the next morning...cause I gotta wipe with something

Ok Im done trash talkin...for now...lol

I am Broken

(All I will say is this is to my babys father.)

I am broken..yes its true
Who knew love would turn you black and blue
The scars the pain mental & and emotional
Far worse than any of the physical
Ive walk barfoot through our past
Im walkin backwards steppin on glass.
I want to scream! I want to be free…
I want to escape this feeling which consumes me
And the tears.
THE TEARS
As they run down my face…
Mind stuck doin rewind in a cold dark place
I want to love you. & I want to hate you
At times cryin is all I can really do
Cause I am broken
I am torn
My heart is bleeding
It continues to morn.
Now the mistakes we cant undo
Despite the lies I came back to you
Again and again
You cut me so deep
But I still loved you…
My heart you can keep
I will never go back..could never do that
I had to let you go
To keep my sanity in tact
I am broken…
Just look at all my cracks & wounds
But im praying!
Im praying that I can be mended soon

Feelings (To George w/ luv)

This is something I wrote for the person that gives me the most inspiration right now at this point in my life. Sometimes You never know how much you can effect another person's life just by being who you are. Thankfully I have found a person who effects me in a way I would have never imagined. Just the tought of him brings a smile to my face. This is not a corny love letter, or any of that. Really this is more of a THANK YOU to the person that means a lot to me. This is one of the truest friends I have, and I'm so proud to be a part of his life. =)

Sometimes I feel like ive known you forever.
Theres even been times I seen us together.
Its crazy how much love I got for you
Like these feelings gotta be false, they cant be true

Baby its hard even just to tell you this
All the things im feelin…the way Im lusting for your kiss
Even if I never get the chance to have you
If I never get the chance to touch u & never get to hold you

Our chemistries undeniable
If we get no happy ending
I’d never hold you liable

Everything that you are I cant help but be amazed
The sound of your voice brings a million smiles across my face
If I could I’d be the shoes on your feet
Everywhere you go that’s where I gotta be.

I have no fancy words for you,
I have no explanations as to really why I even love you
Its crazy how much love I got for you
Like these feelings gotta be false, they cant be true

Hell Date # 300,3647,92980

SOOOO...I went on another date! I'm sure you're dying to know the outcome huh!? First of all one of my huge pet peeves is punctuality! If you are not untime...its a problem. Strike 1-he arrives 20 mins late with some bogus ass excuse about traffic. What the fuck ever...he better be glad he was lookin so damn good or who knows I mighta went home. We end up grabbin some dinner which started off fine, except the fact that he talks too damn much. I'm tryna enjoy my damn chicken & I gotta listen to "motor mouth matthew" blabbin about some shit I could care less about. Im sitting there nodding & smiling through till finally I cant take it no more. I ask him what the fuck he is talkin so much for cause his food is getting cold. He laughs it off as if I was joking. NO NIGGA...im deadass serious. Shut the fuck up & eat yo damn burger before I slap you with that bacon. He tries to shut up...you can see it. His tongue was havin a tug-a-war with his mouth. His tongue wins...he's back to flappin his gums about bullshit when he spits on me. STRIKE 2- spitting when you talk...muthafucker are you serious? You aint even say no S, or C word...so why the fuck I have chewed up hamburger bun on my cheek? YUCK. (broilin inside) "cmon now yo mouth just did a drive by on me" I told him. pbbbbbbbbbttttttttt...DUCK. GET DOWN GET DOWN...HE SHOOTIN. He apologizes, just like a little bitch! "aww my bad boo...*wipes my face with a napkin* you know I aint mean it" We finish dinner, & its time to pay, next thing I know he pulls out a black du-rag. Im like ookay...thats yo wallet huh. Getto as hell. This nigga unwraps the du-rag & I realize theirs a stack of 100$ bills in there. when I say stack...I mean a fuckin stack. He had atleast 2,000$ in his hand. Im like what the fuck he do rob a bank? sheesh He pulls out a 100$, and then proceeds to pull out some loose change. Im thinkin to myself "is he really givin this woman exact change and shit...like he broke or somethin" Now all kinds of thoughts are going through my head. Why does he have so much money with him? For somebody that works in a factory you sure got a lot of "big bills" Yeah I know what kinda factory you work in, & it sure aint a meat packin factory, you be packin but it definitely aint "MEAT" He wraps the du-rag back around the fold of money and stuffs it back into his pocket as if nothing ever happened. Now were supposed to leave and get drinks and this is when shit really gets interesting!!!

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Part 2: The Bar (with a little liquor...he might try to stick her)

Because I lost my ID a while back we were limited to the number of places we could go to get drinks. Luckily he knows of a little spot his homeboy runs so we get there and instantly get a round of shots goin. I'm busy eyeballin the bartender realizing he is pretty cute. My "date" goes to the bar & orders us both an AMF (adios muthafucker) & Im already knowin were both about to be wasted. No if &'s or buts about it. As soon as that 3rd cold drink hit my system, it was a wrap!! Let the shit talkin begin. I go to the pool tables to play pool & lowkey flirt with this little asian chic. Since I am intoxicated now, I really am not paying too much attention to my date at all. He comes over and asked to get in on the next round of pool. Next thing I know I turn around and this sorry son of a bitch has some chic cornered! He all in her face, and this drunk bitch over there crackin up like this nigga a comedian or something. Which he aint, so trying not to be too obvious I continue to peep him from the corner of my eyes as I play pool. DAMN! did he just touch her hair? And this dumb whorebag slut just giggling & carryin on like he really over there doin stand-up comdey or something. ughhhhhh.....FUCK THIS. I actually was pissed 1st of all this dude is fine as fuck. 2nd of all he fine as fuck. & oh yea 3rd of all this nigga is PAAAAAID. So I walk on over, cause by this time I lack all ability to be rational. I step right in his face and ask him..."ughh hey you dumb fuck you do know i'm standin right there dontcha?" He's tryna explain himself, & all that when the bitch trys to throw in her little raggedy 15cents. I look over at her and tell her "Bitch sit your drunk ass down somewhere before you be layin in the back alley somewhere" Tuuuh...this bitch musta been sippin on some "Superwoman" energy drink cause she all the sudden thought she was Bad. Why would you challenge me when I'm drunk?? "Look little ho...shut the fuck up & go find another dick to ride wit ya dirty ass" I told her. So tell me why this bitch ass nigga do a 360 on me...he literally flipped the script on me & called himself stickin up for this little raggedy heffa. OOOOOOH GOD. Here we fuckin GOOOO. How bout this fucker told me to chill out & had the nerve....the fuckin BALLS to push me to the side. Talkin bout im "being a bitch for no reason" OH HELL naw...a what? hmmm...Next thing I knew I was slappin this fool in the face. I dont know if the slapped shocked him or what, but he snapped back into reality & instantly looked embarassed. Oh by this time im cussin, & fussin tellin him to give me my shit out his car & all that. This dumb muthafucka gone tell me he aint givin me nothing. Ok thats fine...dont give it to me. Ima get my shit one way or the other. Im stompin outside headin to the car, a Heineken bottle in my hand, & throw the shit right at his windshield. He's behind me seconds later grabbing me. "Get the fuck off me & give me my shit you Bitch." Of course he's cussin the whole time, calling me crazy & all of that. But I dont care, I want my shit. Im wasted, Im pissed & I want to go home. He opens the trunk and I snatch my shit out & try to spit on him. Cause he is still talkin shit. "thats your problem you little faggot ass bitch you talk to fuckin much" My spit aim sucks...But fuck it. I ended up calling a cab home, this dumb fuck stands outside the whole time safeguardin his car. But I memorized the license plate. & if I ever see that little stuffer ass honda again...ima flatten the fuck out his tires. So yet again as you can see FAILED date. Im starting to think there is nobody out there for me... =(

Michael Blackson...dis nigga wild.

Can You Tell Me Why? (random questions of the universe)

1. Can You Tell Me what the drug dealers is puttin in crack to make them itch so much? Im really puzzled by this, I know there has to be a secret ingredient they usin for crack...perhaps itching powder. Cause it never fails...you can spot a crackhead from a mile away scratchin up they damn arms & shit paranoid as hell. You ever notice how fast a crackhead can run? Them fuckers be runnin like they in a damn race against death! Those fast ass crackheads...They crack gotta be laced with redbull & duracell battery juice. Fast itchy muthafukers.

2. Can You Tell Me why it seem like everybody got that one alcoholic uncle most likely named "ray ray" "junebug" or some shit that make you think of a old ass nigga with a juicy jerry curl, and a 40 ounce wrapped up in a brown paperbag. I never understood why they wrap that shit up in a paperbag anyway. Like who do they think they foolin? We know good & well its beer in there dumbass....who hides a can of dr. pepper in a paperbag while drinkin? Nobody...only "junebug" would do some shit like that. Then show up to a family reunion drunk as hell tryna fight the little kids & shit. Nigga come in stumblin cussin all the relatives out with that one finger stuck out pointin as he slur his words & shit. And everybody gotta keep yellin "junebug" sit yo drunk ass down. hahaha This is bringin back way too many memories.

The Booty Call Gone Wrong

So the other day I decided to end my "dick hiatus" cause I was feeling super horny lol. So I call this dude who I had been talkin to since last year but would never give him no play. He is all excited cause he has been waiting for this for a long time. Were talking on the phone making arrangements for me to come over and he is gas'n me up the whole time. Talkin all this "Girrl im finna work you" yea yea yea...So im lowkey gettin pumped like yeah...he bout to give me the business. I get dressed lookin extra cute, hair was on point, all of that! I get to his house and were drinkin on sum beers & shit sittin on the couch quiet as hell. And if anybody has ever seen me intoxicated they know when im lit I get extra "friendly" lol so I slide over closer to him and kiss his neck. He's feelin it, he grabs me and starts kissing on me. I mean he was all into it. By this time I'm READY like whip it out boy & put it down on me. He grabs me and pulls me toward the bedroom pushes me on the bed. More Kissing. THE FUCK!? (Less kissin more pumpin please.)Nope. He's kissin all on my neck, rubbin on me...ok whipppeeee feels great but umm can we get to the main attraction please. More kissing. (welp..guess not) So finally I get annoyed push him up and flips him so im laying on top of him. I start unbuckling his pants, he's breathing all heavy & shit. He wants it bad. I pull his pants off. Lifting his shirt up he starts taking my pants off. I get back on top of him run my hand down his dick. ummmm...whats going on? Why is your dick soft? He realizes that I noticed it, so he sits up with me on top of him, and kisses me more. Now im yawning cause I can see where this is going. A whole extra 5 mins passes by and still no penetrating going on. WTF!? By now he is on top of me again...starts to give me head & I make him stop. I tell him...NO...Fuck me or I'm leaving. 5 more minutes passed...still no hard dick. Then this fuckin bastard had the nerve to tell me "I dont know whats wrong you gotta help it get on hard....suck it" I started crackin up laughing. "Are you fuckin serious...u FAG! Im not suckin that" *straight face* "cmon baby...just give it a little mouth work" I look at him dead in his face, and say "you must be out your fuckin mind if you think im gonna suck your dick!" I mean is this nigga forreal? Im sitting here in your bedroom...half naked & your dick aint hard off that alone!? You sorry ass fuckin bastard! Im pissed...I stand up & put my pants back on cussin him out the whole time. Like how did he really get me all pumped up...for nothing?!! SHIT. & All his dumbass can do is stand there looking confused askin me "where am i going" as he grabs my arm. I snatch his hand off of me & push him back on the bed HEATED...& SLAM the door on my way out. What a fuckin loser...So i guess im still on a "dick hiatus" so much for that one. smh Clearly this is a booty call gone wrong! Yet another worthless man walkin around with perfectly good penis & no clue on what to do with it. Damn. Damn. Damn.

Aint that bout a bitch...

So a few weeks ago I went on a "date" with this random guy who was goo-goo-ga-ga over me. He had stopped me on my way to my car leaving the mall. The usual stale pickup lines...whatever! I decide to take his number, I looked him over from head to toe as he stored his number in my phone, the whole time thinkin in my head "i know im not gone ever call this fool" As I got in the car, I watched him from the corner of my eyes, as he got into a clean Jag. & then told myself outloud...Shit might as well call him atleast he aint broke. See that was my first damn mistake right there. Assuming this bastard aint broke just because he gets into a nice car. (now dont get me wrong I'm not a gold digger & never will be) But when opportunity knocks....You better answer the door, before it be knockin on the next hoochies door. So anyway a few days later I decide to text him, and he texts back...immediately as if he had been waiting on me to speak the whole time. lol we make plans, and he tells me he wants to take me to this fancy restaurant and whatnot...im not really too impressed. I mean who hasnt dined at a fancy spot where the waiters wear crisp white shirts and corny ties? If you havent then you basically are a broke ass bitch with no chance in life. Anyway...back to the story. So the day of the "date" he calls me a few hours before to remind me, & get my address. Of course me being the smart girl that I am, gave him the address of the house up the street and around the corner from me. Thats the last thing I need is some crazy stalker. He picks me up on time and all of that...as im about to order he kinda makes a funny gesture. Something he didnt want me to catch...but I did. Hmm. (made a mental note of it) & continued to order. Our food was delicious, im sitting there full as shit, and the waitress drops the check on the table. I catch him hesitate, then pick up the check. We're at the front payin the bill and the cashier informs him the credit card he was paying with was declined. He pulls out another card & that one was declined as well. He begins to get frustrated and complains about "not having any cash" blah blah blah. Next thing I know im getting pissed off because I feel this is all leading to me having to pay this stupid 60$ check...FUCK THAT...i aint payin for shit. I look at him arms folded and stick my neck out with plenty of attitude. "Tuuuh...so now you aint got the money nshit huh?" Whatever else he said after that went in one ear and straight the fuck out the other. I grab my purse from the counter start toward the door and chuckle... "you got me fucked up" Whatever else happend after that...i dont know and I dont care. But he musta been out his rabbit ass mind if he thought I was about to pay for his full stomach & mines. Psssh...I shoulda kicked him in the damn stomach & made him throw up that 20$ steak. Dumb FUCK. And this is why I dont go on dates. Yall niggas think you slick. mm mm...you not finna play me...cause I will walk right out and leave your dumb ass standin there STUCK. The END. =)

What The Hell...Change??? Hell NAW.

Thou Sall NOT Do That On The Internet

so i have been using the internet for quite some time now, and have had the luxury of meeting some really interesting people. Have even had a few face to face encounters with some "hot bodies" so the internet is not a complete fail, however there are those handful of creeps who start to ruin it for the rest of us. Thus i have created the World Wide Web commandments. This generally is directed to my fellow social network members. Please read carefully & take plenty notes. These can not be repeated...thus if u shall break any of these commandments you shall have your internet pass revoked immediately.

1) Thou Shall Not post misleading pics: foolin' us N-shit. Got us thinkin you cute but once we hit the zoom-in on yo picture our eyes start to water. Thats not OK. Or whats worse is you post another pic a week later & you look completly different then the "PYT" we saw earlier. from beauty to beastt. =(

2) Thou Shall Not try to holla at me or anyone else when you know your ass is ugly as shit: like cmon now bruh you look at yo self everyday in the mirror you know your face looks like a weapon of mass destruction. Ahh shit nigga you wouldnt even have a chance in the dark. Dont do that to yourself. smh

3) Thou Shall Not "cyber sex" another girl when your ass aint single: you will be just the idiot to get caught with your hand in the cookie jar! in the middle of sendin dick shots to "kesha" when your girl at work. In walks your girl as 3 of "keshas" tit pictures upload on your computer. Not a good look...& you wont be lyin yo way out of this one. May as well pack yo bags now. smh

4) Thou Shall Not Steal other ppls pics & post them as your own. your profile shows you as 6ft strong biceps, washboard abs, & nice tan. But you sittin at home at your desktop computer 5'5 239pnds, nappy mustache & reseeding hairline. ut-oooh Not Cool. In the end you loose cus your still short & fat with no girlfriend so just STOP It! be yourself.

He's Just Not That Into You

Ladies…If you sick & tired of being sick & tired. & You cant figure out why your man wont act right. He been actin so foolish it almost seem like the foo cant act right. Well lemme Let you in on a little secret…it may be that “He’s Just Not That Into You” Time & Time again females cry over dudes, who arent worth the tears. They go back & fourth in relationships that will never go nowhere but downhill. I’m going to give you the 5 signs that your man just aint that into you.

#1 If you tell your man you pregnant & the first thing he do is ask you “so whatchu gone do?” Chances are he’s not that into you. There’s no reason why he should ask you what you gone do like the baby is only yours. SMH…on another note if the first thing he do is take you to the carnival and put yo ass on the ferris wheel & the rollercoaster…he already decided what u gone do…u finna lose that damn baby. Period!

#2 If You and your man go shoppin & yall both have a handful of bags full of things for him..somethin aint right. Why did you just go on a shoppin spree for him..u bought clothes & shoes & you holdin the bags too? SMH…Time to let his ass go!

#3 If You and your man takin a shower together & u been in there for 30 mins. & he been in the front the whole damn time! Hoggin all the hot water & elbowin u in the stomach as he wash up…Take that shampoo bottle & buss him in the back of the head. Cus u can clearly see…He just aint into you.

#4 If You go to RedLobster & sit down at the table & he order crab legs, lobster, & shrimp & he tell you, “aaah you know what we gone have to split a plate cause I aint even gone have enough…you want me to have her send an extra plate?” You already know what you have to do…take that plate break that shit over his head…while he out cold eat the lobster, shrimp, & crab…then leave that fool ass nigga slumped on the table & dip on his stingy ass.

#5 If you constantly being stood up by your man for regular dates during the daytime…& he always got an excuse as to why he cant make it. But later on that night that nigga come through on the late night creep, hit it, and he gone like the wind…chances are you just a booty call. & he dont ever ever ever in his damn life wanna be seen with you in public…Its time let him go. No more pussy prowlin for him…cause he just aint into you lil mama.

And this concludes the top 5 signs “he’s just not that into you” If you would like more tips…Well then that is just sad…because when a nigga aint into you it should be obvious. You shouldnt need miss cleo to explain to you that your man really aint your man, you the sideline bitch, and he will never leave his wife for you. SMH…Get it together ladies, stop lettin the “dogs in your life be the heartbreakers that keep you depressed and suicidal.” The shit is pretty much pathetic…

Somethings Not Quite Right

Something’s Not Quite Right
-somethings not quite right you call yourself a bad bitch, but your weave looks like dead possom hair, and your face is a disaster. Somebody please get these “bad bitches” a dictionary & let em’ know the only thing bad about em’ is their facial features. tsk tsk

-Somethings not quite right you still walkin around with a flip phone & call ya self gettin numbers! Cut it out…do you really think you can pull a bitch with that extra large TV remote lookin shit…why does your phone light up on the bottom & your two favorite games to play on there is Snake & Brick Attack. SMH you got 1week to go collect some bottles and cans & put a down payment on a blackberry. You outdated fucker.

-Somethings not quite right (white ppl) your child calls you by your first name and puts you in time out? WTF No offense but thats the difference between white parents and black parents. We aint afraid to fuck our child up on sight just for looking at us the wrong way for more than 2 seconds. White people just afraid to get fucked up by they child. Now how the hell does that work out? You mean to tell me Timmy just sent you to your room & gave you a whoopin cause you wouldnt get him an Xbox! xmh…whats really goin on?

-Somethings not quite right your man lay you on the bed to hit it pull your pants down and dies. Death by the pussy? who. what. where. when . & why! Im not judging anybody but then again yes the fuck i am. If your pussy smells like its leaking sewer juice you gone needa either a) get that checked out immediately or b) wash yo damn twat! You cant hear yo pussy coughin and shit down there?…the smell done burnt xtra large holes in yo panties and you still the dumb bitch sittin around lookin confused. The soap get up and runs the other direction when you enter the bathroom cause its tired of bein punished by you and your ungodly smells.

Theres plenty more not quite right things and i’ll be back soon to talk bout those. lol

SHOE FETISH